Insomnia

I am not sure how much logic stands behind my reasoning and my actions but when I’ve no one to turn to I tell the whole world. Or, no one in particular. For months it seems this same lifeless path has been engulfing me. Even when I convince myself to live it is in this fantasy and I am so out of touch with other people. I have worked so hard at dulling myself down and dismissing passion. And for what? This I am most certainly unsure. It was like, if I took no one seriously, no relationship to heart, I would always remain unhurt. If I kept this lifestyle with my feet off of the ground, I would be above others. Above any drama. Above any sadness. This proved to be true. With the regular dose of comments.. “You aren’t like other girls.” “You aren’t catty.” Well I’m not. But by being dull, and brotherly loving everyone I meet, I am unable to experience what I am craving. And it surely cannot be healthy to oppress my own desires in exchange for the most humanitarian beneficial ones that I feel have been chosen for me. I can clearly see another way of life; a way in which, I feel. And I can see the path that so many people in my generation steadily and merrily float alongside. Maybe not changing the world, but certainly not suffering from their own attempt of dulcification.